


If Only

by Wallpacapaca



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen, Just a short Story, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee wanted to write about my WoL, because oof a lot happened in the story of my character during that time, i don't expect this to get a lot of reads, maybe even include more of the fanon my friends and I have crafted for our characters, might write more about her in the future, takes place inbetween ARR and HW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 14:37:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18166484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallpacapaca/pseuds/Wallpacapaca
Summary: Idk some backstory about my WoL in case I ever write more about her I can refer people back to this





	If Only

The first time she felt helpless was when she was just a little girl and she sprained her ankle. She felt betrayed by her own clumsiness as her twin and older brother helped her back to their house while she cried out in pain. The doctors told her she wouldn’t be able to walk for a while, and so she sat the days away in her tiny room, in her tiny house, in her tiny Black Shroud village, longing to be a part of the world she saw outside her window.

 

The second time she felt helpless was when she saw her friend getting bullied at school. He had grown to have thick skin; it was hard being a duskwight in Gridania after all, but she felt all the empathy in the world for him. After all, she was just the daughter of two Au Ra refugees, she had no place in this forest either. Yet, there was nothing she could do to help as the wildwood kids pinned him down and tormented him endlessly for the dark grey skin he never asked to have. She was just a tiny Au Ra after all, she had no way to defend herself.

 

The third time she felt helpless was when she realized just how much the world was against her. Her Far Eastern heritage put her at odds with Eorzeans, and yet being part Xaela and part Raen she knew she would never have a place in Othard either. Realizing from a young age she liked other girls and not the gross boys put her at odds with family, for her elder brother she held so close once upon a time had paid some huyrian man to approach her in a bar and pull her aside, trying to “turn her straight”. Leaving home to become an adventurer, a Scion of the Seventh Dawn, put her at odds with the Garlean Empire, as if she needed that added stress in her life.

 

Helplessness, yes that was a feeling she felt more often than not now. She felt hollow, like someone reached into her chest and ripped her heart out leaving nothing but an empty husk, a remnant of someone who was once so full of life and spirit.

 

She couldn’t remember the last time she felt happy to be who she was. No amount of alcohol or sleepless nights could replace the inner peace she had been missing since she was little. She hated this feeling. She wanted nothing more than to change everything about herself, but even a Fantasia can’t change a soul, a past. She could change her face but she would still be herself.

 

Yet, even if it was a constant reminder of how horribly her once role model brother now treated her, the minute she held her child in her arms everything melted away. This young baby hadn’t yet been hurt by the world, it was pure. For once in her life, she felt content, just holding her baby and knowing that she would create a world in which it could live in peace, unafraid of all the prejudices and strife she had to go through. This baby showed her a future in which she could too could find peace with herself.

 

Though, her work wasn’t done. She had to leave this child behind with close friends as she fled the comforting familiarity of Ul’dah to the closed off walls of Ishgard, as she was being hunted down for a crime she didn’t commit. If only the world could give her a break.

 

If only she didn’t feel so helpless.


End file.
